I have been blogging about this issue for a while and I recently came across another Poly article recently on marriage that did not seem to understand the issues at all…..getting past all the romantic mumbo-jumbo feels like an uphill struggle.

>>Many people have strong attachments to the institution of marriage and the romantic imagery associated with it.

As a non married member of a triad, I have keenly felt the injustice of monogamous dyadic marital laws and I really think we should stress the use of modern terms and contractual solutions for our families rather than marriage. How can we really claim to be a really radical movement when we buy into such a fundamentally monogamous institution?

>>Until the mid seventies a woman could legally be raped by her husband.

I just wanted to point out that here in the UK, marital rape was not made illegal until 1992 I believe, I was in college at the time and remember the situation rather well.

>>Ideally, the optimum home environment for any child consists of the biological parents in a loving, committed parental relationship, which may or may not be monogamous

‘@Geoffrey

We have had very, very, little other positive challenges to traditional nuclear family dynamics in the Western world. Besides which, romantic marriage is a recent creation, not many people would claim that marriage was necessarily best for a child if it was still a purely financial dynastic contract. To say it is the best, when people have had very little exposure to Poly/group parenting is disingenuous. So far, most mainstream exposure to non traditional families are negative featuring women especially in a weaker position (i.e. Patriarchal Polygamy) or economically disadvantaged (teenage single mothers) Occasionally, very stable but older grandparents raising their grandchildren because the biological parents are indisposed (often imprisoned or committed). So no, not the best start to any childs life but…..these are problems within a mainly monogamous community rather than anything to do with Polyamory. WE haven’t been tested yet, do not be so quick to deem us a failure in front of the all powerful Marital Dyad .

BTW as the daughter of a single parent who never felt impoverished, I know from first hand experienced that I ‘never’ felt I was lacking but society (much like yourself) always liked to tell me I was. Part of the problem is the media always shows its ideal and the exceptions are almost always shown in such a negative light that no wonder that so many children and young people, those who may not have the same level of stubborn radicalism that I happen to have, feel that they are being hard done by.

Of course, avoidance of that topic is necessary if the negative portrayal of traditional marriage is the intent of the article. Which is clearly the author’s bias, given the article’s incessant condemnation of traditional marriage with only warped stereotypes of traditional marriages illustrated.

It’s fine for advocates of polyamorous relationships to advocate upon their behalf, it’s intellectually dishonest however to pose advocacy within a framework which completely avoids society’s most important consideration of the issue, while simultaneously misconstruing both the intent and the ideal of the institution.

Which is meant to be, at least in modern western society, as the committed union of two equals. However much men and women may stray from that ideal does not invalidate the ideal but just proves how fallible human beings are when trying to live up to an ideal. Ideals are principles and life lived without allegiance to relevant principles, inevitably devolves into narcissistic impulse.

Ideally, the optimum home environment for any child consists of the biological parents in a loving, committed parental relationship, which may or may not be monogamous but any polyamorous arrangement which does not include the full parental involvement and commitment to offspring that traditional monogamous marriage requires is inherently disadvantageous to any child born of the alternative relationship advocated.

As long as advocates of polyamory avoid the deepest issues upon which societal concerns regarding marriage consist, society will view non-monogamous relationships as problematic at best.

Since I became interested in polyamory in 1997 I have found the idea of marriage unappealing. To combine love with the government feels a bit Orwellian. Love is so juicy & the government is so dry

I’ve also felt that because I would like to love more than one person, it would create an inherent imbalance if I were married to only one of them…since 1 is currently the limit.

Regarding the perpetuation of the “happily ever after” perspective, I’ve often felt that it relates to consumerism. Images in advertisements, tv shows, and movies related to “the pursuit of marriage” may be motivated in part by many married people (after the thrill of the honeymoon wears off) turning to buying things, watching television & going to films to give their life “spice.” The nuclear family in the eyes of the media is no more than an economic unit