Our reasons for marrying are much as you illustrate in the positive sense, i.e. that no matter who else comes into our lives, we are each others’ life partners, and we want to share each other’s lives and be each other’s steady and available anchor when life gets tough. Making a public commitment has real meaning for us in that sense, especially because we weathered a major crisis a year ago that ultimately brought us much closer together with a newfound trust in and love for each other. Many of our loved ones know how close we came to losing each other, so our wedding will be a celebration of an abiding love’s triumph over emotional pain and sorrow.

A note on whether relationships should be closed when enduring a serious challenge, I agree with your and Robyn’s thinking, but only to a point. I think there has to be a compelling reason for ending or putting on hold other cherished relationships and partners. First of all, it’s painful for all concerned to do that, and that’s not what I’d call love. On the other hand, some situations are dire enough that they require our full attention (plus the help of one or more therapists in our case) in order to heal hurts and betrayals and restore it to a solid foundation of love and trust.

I discovered in my poly travels that it’s important to talk to my partners about what kinds of things could happen that could necessitate cutting back on time together, i.e. if an anchor partner or another loved one has an accident or becomes seriously ill and needs more of our time and attention, for example. I’m sure we can all think of other life challenges that could result in having to scale back, however much we may regret the necessity of it.

Now that my fiance’s and my relationship is on solid ground and we can joyfully celebrate our love for each other with our family, friends and beloveds, we will be open to engaging with others. But we will also be transparently communicating every step along the way with each other and everyone else concerned and hopefully thereby avoiding future painful relationship disruptions.

Peace,
Chris