thank you…

Keep in mind that 3 weeks is very early on into an open relationship. With work, it does get easier. If you find you’ve bitten off more than you can chew you may want to renegotiate the terms of your agreement. Ultimately, if you want to keep walking through the fire of your fears, it will be helpful to witness your emotions that arise without acting upon them. As you become used to the idea that you do not own your partner, you will become less reactive. When people begin their relationship as monogamous it is generally more difficult to transition to polyamory than if they began as poly. The reason for this is that in monogamy you form a bond that makes assumptions (which are strongly reinforced by society) that you own the other person’s body. So you have to undo that learning. Many people don’t recognize that they don’t own their partner’s sexuality until the relationship is over. Then it makes sense. But to transmute your relationship to your partner without ending it means changing your beliefs about love from an old paradigm concept of possession to a new paradigm belief of unconditional appreciation while becoming grounded in the knowledge that you are whole and will be fine whatever happens (you ultimately can’t control or micromanage what will unfold so you best let go whether you’re poly or monogamous). You may also want to read my book, “Spiritual Polyamory” for further ideas on transitioning to this new way of being. Again, you’re very early on in this journey so be patient with yourself as you move into this form of love. It will show you where you need work…that’s why I perceive it as a style of loving that enhances one’s spiritual growth.

So, my partner of one year and I decided to open up our relationship, because of my own interest outside the relationship. I’ve never been comfortable with being open, but it’s actually how my partner works best. I thought it would be fine, but it’s actually been rather difficult. She is quite the advanced being: totally ok without any limits and complete freedom. I, on the other hand, have had many fears come up around loss, insecurity, judgement. It helps that I have someone i’m seeing too, but I still notice such a strong attachment to my partner. i’m all about losing attachment and have had to fight that with this particular person 2-3 times now. does it get easier? we just opened the relationship 3 weeks ago and i’ve been soooo up and down. some days totally fine and content….others in a crazy jealous controlling space.
thank you for your time.

I’m glad you enjoyed the article. I think that your comment shows a great deal of awareness regarding your lessons. The fact that you take responsibility for your feelings is a huge first step. Remember that language is powerful so instead of saying “I can’t get out of my human head.” you can say, “So far, I’ve been caught in my fears, but I’m determined to overcome my fears.” Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The stress of “time” doesn’t help us transcend our fears. Keep in mind that the universe never gives us more than we can handle. Yes, these relationships can work, and may jealous fearful people have transcended their insecurities. It all begins with self-love and non-attachment. As long as you fear “not making it” or “losing him” or any other outcome, you will suffer. Surrender to what is, and recognize that whatever changes you go through will more likley be gradual than abrupt, so be gentle with yourself during the process. If you’d like more feedback you can contact me through the email listed at my site http://www.SpiritualPolyamory.com

My husband has recently expressed an interest in poly amory. I have had fears of betrayal and so much jealousy for so long. I know it is my main lesson in this life. I just don’t know how to move through it. I want to be free of this malady desperately. I know none of this is real. I know all of this “reality” is an illusion to help me work out my problems. I can’t get out of my human head. I want to fix this. Please do you have any suggestions? I feel really scared that I’m not going to be able to do it and I will suffer this fate again next time. Do these kinds of relationships work? Has a jealous, fearful person ever gotten over it?