Comments on: The Jealousy Excuse, Can We Please Get Real?

By: Kendra Holliday

Kendra Holliday — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 13:59:49 +0000

Bravo! Well said!

“Jealousy is all the fun you think they’re having.”

The only person I own is myself.

By: ammc2

ammc2 — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:10:43 +0000

Just to give a back ground, I am in a polyfidelous quad and have been dealing with jealousy for a while. I am going to tell a little story and explain why I think jealousy in a relationship is not a simple matter like when we were children. I will also explain what I believe to be the true underlying issue with jealousy. My friend Sally always wanted to play with my jump rope on the playground. I had learned that I should share and not act jealously, so at recess I would let Sally play with it. Although I wanted to be playing with it all the time, I could withstand my jealousy long enough to let her have it for a time at recess. Here is where the difference is: at the end of recess I got to take my jump rope back home because it was MINE. I could choose not to bring it back the next day if I didn’t feel like sharing. Sally did not have equal access to the jump rope and she didn’t take it home some nights and then me take it some nights. Also, my jump rope could not say to me, hey I want to go hang out with Sally and then leave me. So let’s get back to this MINE issue. This is where I believe the root of jealousy lies. It is mine and now I have to share it and overcome jealousy. What if it is not yours at all, then what is there to be jealous about. It isn’t yours to share, they are theirs. In our culture we have an obsession with ownership and possession. Maybe if we could root out these ideas, then sharing and compersion would come naturally instead of jealousy.

By: ammc2

ammc2 — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:08:52 +0000

Just to give a back ground, I am in a polyfidelous quad and have been dealing with jealousy for a while. I am going to tell a little story and explain why I think jealousy in a relationship is not a simple matter like when we were children. I will also explain what I believe to be the true underlying issue with jealousy. My friend Sally always wanted to play with my jump rope on the playground. I had learned that I should share and not act jealously, so at recess I would let Sally play with it. Although I wanted to be playing with it all the time, I could withstand my jealousy long enough to let her have it for a time at recess. Here is where the difference is: at the end of recess I got to take my jump rope back home because it was MINE. I could choose not to bring it back the next day if I didn’t feel like sharing. Sally did not have equal access to the jump rope and she didn’t take it home some nights and I took it some nights. Also, my jump rope could not say to me, he I want to go hang out with Sally and then leave me. So let’s get back to this MINE issue. This is where I believe the root of jealousy lies. It is mine and now I have to share it and overcome jealousy. What if it is not yours at all, then what is there to be jealous about. It isn’t yours to share, they are theirs. In our culture we have an obsession with ownership and possession. Maybe if we could root out these ideas, then sharing and compersion would come naturally instead of jealousy.

By: Dave Morten

Dave Morten — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 13:47:03 +0000

Yeah I agree jealousy is a strong emotion but like anything with human behaviour it can be trained to react in a different way. Very interesting post, look forward to reading more of your work.

By: Sonya

Sonya — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:21:39 +0000

What I love about this perspective is the way it says “hey, look back, look deep”. So much of our inner emotional responses, such as jealousy and the insecurity/fear cocktail that comes with it, is about the experiences we had as children and old recordings in our heads that were never reprogrammed from negative to positive recordings. I love it. It speaks to the child in me. The child who wants very much to share her toys and make her friends smile.

By: Vallin

Vallin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 22:41:16 +0000

C’MON PEOPLE! If a double Scorpio/Moon-in-Taurus/Venus-in-Scorpio can get outgrow grade-school level jealousy, I think everyone else can…evolve! (Geez, it’s the twenty-freakin’-first century) I’m really only jealous before I know someone really well, so just introduce yourself, and I’m cool.

I’ve devoted all my dark posessiveness and jealousy to my career. As Lady Gaga said: “it won’t wake up one day and say it doesn’t love you anymore.” Of course I reserve the right to be jealous of people who have better music equipment than I do. That’s what keeps manufacturers and finance companies in business!

By: Marco

Marco — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:04:59 +0000

Jealousy. A feeling known all too well in my quad relationship. Will it ever go away? Only time will tell, right? We’re dealing with it though.

By: Michael Stopka

Michael Stopka — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:02:53 +0000

Thanks, Keep up the Great work

By: Maricela Treptow

Maricela Treptow — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 06:05:12 +0000

Lots of Good information in your blogpost, I bookmarked your site so I can visit again in the near future, Cheers

By: Venus Aquarius

Venus Aquarius — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 06:57:05 +0000

k.d.lang sings of the “mean, mean mouth of the jealous dog” in her Watershed album. I remember my parents warning me of the Aesop fable of the jealous Dog in the Manger, “one who prevents others from enjoying what one has no use for onself”. According to Wikipedia, Aesop was a slave (possibly from Ethiopia) who lived in Greece in 5th centruy BC. Slaves probably know a bit about jealousy. I agree that the biggest taboo behind the mainstream condemnation of poly relationships is the “law” of jealousy, as if this were as inevitable (and unavoidable) a force as gravity.

We are challenged to love bigger, and what bigger love is there than to share the one you love with someone else? As you say, humans tend to “avoid emotional pain”. But those of us on the realtionship edge perhaps seek this experience like a boarder seeks new snow – we are into “extreme relationships”, and nothing short of growth, as hard as it is, is worth doing anymore.