Comments on: What’s Sex Got To Do With It?

By: Greg

Greg — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 10:34:42 +0000

This is hands down the best article I have ever read from the hippie point of view, on this topic. I’m a (very horny) guy and I agree with everything you say about love vs. sex.
However, embracing the love/romance side of things was the last phase of my journey. Just as women where pressured into orgies and the like, I have always felt, (prematurely) forced into sweet romance.

How about we settle for this:
These relationships usually include sex, but not always.
These relationships usually are romantic, but not always. I.E. they can be based only on sex, and that’s OK, too.

The social stigma that a naughty element invites, is inevitable. Yin …Yang
Just as.
Compersion……..Cuckold.
just as
Polyamory………Gang Bangs and Hookers.

By: SJ

SJ — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 03:59:24 +0000

This is a bit late for a reply, but I just got the comments in my RSS feed.

Marcie:

If you are still looking for something to help you through the jealousy aspect of polyamory, I suggest reading _The Ethical Slut_, by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. Though this is a book that’s really directed more at open relationships than triad or fork relationships, it does deal directly with the jealousy aspect, and I found that it helped me tremendously when my wife was involved in a side relationship with a man I didn’t get along with well. (Note that I’m male, and you were asking for women’s perspectives, but I think the feelings you are experiencing are universal. Note also that the book mentioned above is written by women.)

One thing that concerns me about your situation is that your husband came to you after he had already met someone, rather than the two of you discussing polyamory before entering into anything. I’m glad to hear that he was open with you about his interest, but it puts you in a difficult position, because you are, in effect, being forced into a decision about whether you want to pursue a poly lifestyle after he’s already decided that he wants to. If you decide that you don’t want to pursue this lifestyle, it could mean the end of your marriage. If you decide to jump in without really wanting to, you are not being true to yourself and are setting yourself up to be hurt. It’s not a fair position for you to be in, and he needs to realize and acknowledge that.

I hope this late reply helps you in some way. Be well.

By: Marcie

Marcie — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 17:22:46 +0000

My husband recently came to me asking me to look into a polyamorous lifestyle. He’s met someone who he feels a strong connection to and would like to be able to explore this with her. I know they are in love with each other and to be honest I am really in turmoil about the whole thing. My husband swears his love for me has not and will not ever change. He’s quite convinced that he will be a better husband to me if I can open myself up to the possibility of living this lifestyle. Currently they are not involved sexually, at my request, but I know that even though it’s a small part of the whole dynamic of the relationship, at some point he’d like for me to be okay with him being sexually intimate with her. I am trying to open my mind to this possibility, but it just make me absolutely crazy to think about it. What makes this even harder on me is that I don’t really like this person he wants to be with. I’m desperately trying to find other women I can connect with who have also been through this kind of thing and have come out on the other side with a better acceptance and understanding of this lifestyle. I want my husband to be happy, but I cannot figure out how to do that without making myself crazy. I feel so tormented by this and I would sincerely love to be able to talk to women who have been in my situation where their husband wanted to live this lifestyle and they struggled to accept it. I want to know how they got over the jealousy and the fear and were able to find peace in it all. I really would like to be open to this, but it’s been an emotional rollercoaster for me and I am just having trouble finding some peace. I’ve been pouring over the internet looking for chat rooms, blogs, ANYTHING that might get me in touch with women like this and I’ve had no luck. I am hoping, quite sincerely, that maybe by posting a response on here that I could be connected to some kind of support group who could maybe help me overcome the jealousy and the fear. Any website, blogs, chats that you could steer me to, even books, would be most appreciated. I’d like to be able to move on from this, give myself the peace. Marcie

By: carol

carol — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:54:52 +0000

Dear Editor,

We loved this site and will be linking to it from our yahoo groups site. Please notify me of any 2011 planned events or conferences. My husband and I enjoy a very healthy, open relationship. Plus we each have another lover that we spend time together with, both seperate and apart. Recently I ran for a municapality office and was warned by many that my open marriage could come up as an issue. Thankfully it did not. However, much of the information here is so useful and I would like to become a member, if there is a membership.

Thanks you so much for the information,

Carol

By: wannabepolu

wannabepolu — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 03:06:58 +0000

one love!

I thank you from deep inside of all of me for this article. thank you also for all the work that you do and have done for so long. Sharing your personal journey into poly with us is very courageous and encourages the rest of us to free ourselves too. I am personally seeking information about triad specifically the closed vee fmf types. I enjoy your website and I feel comforted by your words.
I hope to attend one of your conferences someday soon.

thank you again.